Suicide jokes

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

A friend asked me, "Where are you going?" I answered, "6 feet underground."

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon."

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

How do you get your grass to cut itself?

Make it depressed.

I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.

On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"

I'm dying to live forever!

Me: Hey dad, I'm in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal!

Dad: Hi in debt, my dick got cut off, I have depression, and I am suicidal! I'm dad!

I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?

Suicide Boomer.

I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't know why I am still alive for you.

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.

Look in the mirror. There's a joke for you.

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.