Suicide jokes

I gave a tree a high five, but sadly it left me hanging.

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

I was playing hangman, and I gave up on the word "LIFE".

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

Why did the orphan commit suicide?

So he could find home.

What do you call an emo strip club?

Suicidal Thots.

I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.