Suicide jokes

I saw my friend hang themselves. My response was, I guess they wanted to hang with someone.

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

where do suicide bombers go when they die? everywhere!

I'm going to hang myself in the bathroom at school and put a note telling kids that I'm a piñata.

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

Murder is the same as suicide, except the other person is doing it for you.

Will my suicidal thoughts leave me too if I get attached to them?

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

Emo kids counting be like: 1, 2, 3 come hang with me! 4, 5, 6 Gonna get new slits! 7, 8, 9 Suicide! 10, 11, 12 Bring some pills!

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

Guy: "My life is like a game, I should end it."

Guy 2: "Is it a hard life?"

Guy: "Yup"

Guy 2: "Then you can't kill yourself LOL"

Guy 3: "Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the 'game'"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)