Suicide jokes

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

I've realized that suicide would solve all my problems... if I could just get the right people to try it.

Why did the feminist kill herself? Because she was TRIGGERED.

This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"

Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"

Me: "To reduce the population by one."

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

She says, "I'm going to jump!"

The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

Today, I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. The police thought it was suicide since I have no fingerprints. Wow, I’m so nice taking care of the disabled.

Thanks to the voice who keeps telling me to let go,

he is my only motivation for trying again.

What do suicidal people and apples have in common?

They both hang from trees.

How do you win an argument against an emo kid?

Give him a gun, he'll just shoot himself.

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

Who are the world's fastest readers?

The 9/11 suicide jumpers, they went through 110 stories in 5 seconds. Sorry.

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option. Self-harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.