Suicide Jokes

Today i find out that my cat got hit by a car accident, wellp i guess im gonna play ninja fruits on my hands again, Its not like anyone will notice.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if yhu jump and yell parkour, it’ll just be a failed stunt

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal. I wanted to tell him “well can we get what we both want?” “ I was already planning on dying anyway.”

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

They say they'll stay but i left firstt

Hey reaper!!! Where are you going?? "I finished my job" What about me?-

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day and she said i could be anything i wanted to be if i put my mind to it, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it even if it's messy

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge.... He was in bits 🤣🤦‍♂️

i called the suicide hotline and he suggested i drew on myself to distract myself. i replied id get ink poisoning

wouldnt recommend the police came

What has more brains than Kurt Cobain ? The wall behind him.

I finally got a girlfriend. Her name is Remington Model 32

What do you do if your online friend wants to commit suicide ? You can't do anything he's already on line

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with.

Why did billy kill himself with a tv remote? He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.

Can all the hot depressed, suicidal, guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we r. For real

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something. Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.