Suicide jokes

So my teacher's daughter committed suicide.

One day I'ma go up to her and say, "What's wrong, did Logan Paul leave your daughter hanging?"

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

If you jump off a building and yell "parkour," how can they tell that it was intentional? T'was a failed stunt.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

what is less than 0?

my will to live.

Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

Why do trannies suck at being soldiers? Because they have a 41% casualty rate.

What's the depressed person's favorite song?

Van Halen - Jump

I hate when my class want to play hangman. Not because they hang a man, but because I get jealous.

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

My mom tells me when I get into an argument with her that she brought me into this world and she can take me out. Sometimes I wanna tell her that I can do that for her.

What do you call a dwarf suicide bomber?

A party popper.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

People complain we are overpopulated.

Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!