Suicide jokes

I help suicidal people.

BTW verb not adjective.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.

Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.

A priest sees a man about to commit suicide. The man says, "I have nothing to live for here. I will die, go to Heaven, and get 72 virgins." Then the priest says, "No need for this. I will take you to the local elementary school."

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

I wasn't gonna tell another Epstein joke but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.

What is the difference between a Walking Dead and you? He doesn't feel pain.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:

"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

What is an emo kid's favorite Tool? A rope.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

Poop and balls through the walls!

I'm dead! 😂💀💀

What’s the best cure for not wanting to go to work?

Suicide.

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Penis, neck, rope?

I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.