Suicide jokes

Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

Are you a noose, 'cause I wanna hang out with you?

I swallowed shampoo. It goes blblblblb. 🧼

"Trust falling" with a bridge is more trustworthy than me.

I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.

Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.

Why did the pencil want to kill himself?

He had no point in life.

Where do depressed people go to eat?

Suicide Sonic.

Suicide is population control, republished.

What do emo kids like to do in their spare time?

Hanging out.

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

What do you call my sister?

Suicidal.

I am not making a noose; I am making an unsubscribe button for life.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?

Hang in there!

I would post a joke, but maybe it's too deadpan.

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?

Because they hate their lives and want to die.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.