Suicide Jokes

A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her. "Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.

"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."

The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."

The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"

"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.

"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends Chad just murdered his wife Claire and after doing that he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after My moms reply: Jesus Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess won’t he

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging them selves I guess they lost Hangman

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a Suicide bomber in a wheel chair? A RC-XD.

What is the difference between a Apple and a Orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings the belt wouldn't fit around his neck

what do you call a depressed emo ,dead

It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.

Knock Knock Who’s There Suicide Suicide Who Suicide YOU

hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes in fact, they hang with them!

What did i say to the bridge

Bye bridge

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)

Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard

What did the suicidal guy say to his audience? What did the suicidal guy say to his audience

I’m taken,taken my own life bitch

-a beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide-

a homeless man walks by her and says "what are you doing?"

she says "im going to jump"

the homeless man says "if youre going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

the woman replies "no way creep! never that!"

the homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says

"thats fine, I'll just wait til you're at the bottom"

kys

I started debating whether or not suicide is a good option, self harm just hasn’t been cutting it lately.

To whoever you are, you are loved.

if you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm. If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting. it isn't any of those if it's suicide.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide but then thinks "maybe i shouldn't be doing this" and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

I've always been suicidal ,some might say why haven't I actually done the act ,I'll just say well I hate myself to much so I though I stay around for the punishment of staying alive