Suicide jokes

What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?

Hang in there!

What's the depressed person's favorite song?

Van Halen - Jump

What game does a suicidal person who is very bad at word or guessing games love?

Hangman.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.