Suicide jokes

Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

People complain we are overpopulated.

Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?

A hypoteNUSE!

My advice to suicidal people: just hang in there. 🕺

I know I'm valuable.

I come with a barcode.

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.

All my life I wanted to be somebody. I wanted to achieve something.

Now, after messing up my life at every possible chance, I finally realize that what I really want is to have been someone after following through with one thing.

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?