Suicide jokes

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.

Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.

In reality, I like killing myself.

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

You got a black cat.

He was bad luck.

Everyone left you and you committed suicide.

What a CATastrophe!

I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.

I replied I'd get ink poisoning.

Wouldn't recommend, the police came.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

I was in a motivational seminar about depression the other day, and she said I could be anything I wanted to be if I put my mind to it. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do it, even if it's messy.

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

I am a reverse rapper because I put bars in my mouth.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

The rope doesn't hang from itself.

A suicidal boy went up to a tree and said "hi".

The tree never responded; it left him hanging.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)