Store jokes

Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I like dicks... sporting goods.

Why can orphans never go to the shops?

'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

*walks in store* OH LITTle debhehe's!

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.

I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.

He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"

You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.

When your brother sends you to go get a box of condoms for his b-day. (* *)

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?

He kept dropping the BEETS!

What is an orphan's least favorite store? Home Depot.

Why did a Mexican go to Home Depot?

Because he thought it said "Home Deport."

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their way to the store to see their dad.

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!