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I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket.

They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.

So, my mom was talking to me and told me to go to the store. When I get there, thereā€™s a sign, but then someone tells me thatā€™s just someone with a ginormous forehead.

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

Why donā€™t Indians play soccer?

Cos every time they get a corner, they open a shop.

Why doesn't Iran have any Walmarts?

Because they have a Target at every corner.

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

Look for the Gummy Bear album in stores on November 13th, with lots of music, videos, and extras!

I went to Starbucks today and they asked what I wanted, and I replied with "to die, a shot of bleach, and an deppresso expresso."

A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.