Store jokes
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.
Don’t orphans work at Dollar Tree?
Cause it’s a family business.
So, if there is a 7-Eleven and a 911, where's 811?
What do you call a stupid mannequin?
A dummy.
I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!
Where do orphans get their stuff from?
The reject shop.
Bro, you were born in a local 7-Eleven bathroom.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims; they went through 91 stories in 11 seconds.
*walks into sex shop*
Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
I like 7/11 because it's like 9/11.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!
7-Eleven
8-Eleven
9/11
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.