Store jokes
A young couple gets banned from church.
There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.
After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.
Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."
"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"
"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."
A girl walks into an Adult Store. "Hi, I want to buy that red dildo right there."
Cashier: "That's a fire extinguisher, you whore."
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
I wanted to buy some camo pants, but I couldn't find any.
What is an orphan's least favorite store?
Family Dollar, they just can’t seem to find one.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
Yo mama so fat when she goes to the shoe store, she needs to take their advice and get XXXXL.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
Yo mama so old, she walked into an antique store, and they didn't let her leave.
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
Q: What is Hitler's least favorite grocery store?
A: Jew-Osco
Where do rape victims buy their clothes from?
The kids section.
I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.
Random person: What stuff? 🤨
Me: What?
The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!
Me: Colourful flamingo fart.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...
There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?
Home Depot.
Why can’t orphans build anything?
Because they can’t go to Home Depot.