What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
A cop stopped a guy for speeding.
He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.
The cop said, "But there is no traffic."
And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."
"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
