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Stop jokes

Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.

Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"

So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"

The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"

So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).

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    • Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

    Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

    So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

    [Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

    It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.

    The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

    [Chorus 2x]

    Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.

    Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

    So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

    [Chorus]

    And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

    We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.

    A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.

    After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.

    The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"

    The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

    Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

    Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.

  • 0

    • Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

  • 3

    • There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

    One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

    The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

    The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

  • 8

    • How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

    What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

    You stop milking a cow after 15 years.

    A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

    He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

    "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

    The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

    And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

    I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

  • 0

    • "Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

    "Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

    What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

    One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

    An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

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