Stop jokes

Why did the carrot roll down the hill?

Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.

Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.

One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."

The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."

The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

How do you stop your newspaper from flying away in the wind? -- Use a news anchor.

What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?

You stop milking a cow after 15 years.

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

"Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital."

"Aaron, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

Yo mama stops at the PokeStop... to buy a Big Mac.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

What's the difference between a hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.