Stop jokes
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”
My wife and I were at the park with our little princess today.
We decided to go back home, then some jerk had the nerve to shout, "Stop those two! They have my daughter!"
One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house.
I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: "Stop pirating video games."
Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Head of Company: "We need to stop testing our products on animals."
Consultant: "Why? The shampoo companies do it."
Head of Company: "Yeah, but we make dildos."
WTF is wrong with you guys? This is bullying. Stop it, please, but Shaenaya sounds like a good name.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap it on the arse and tell it to keep going!
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash.
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Two times four is eight, now stop f***ing asking me!
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
You'll end up DEAD if you don't stop COFFIN!!!
What did the grape say to the banana? "Stop graping me!"