I'll never forget my grandfather's last words: "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER, YOU LITTLE CUNT!"
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Why does this stingray's wife can't stop babbling?
'Cause she can't watch her mouth.
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.
One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:
Police: "What’s you name?"
Shut Up: "Shut Up."
Police: "Where's your manners?!"
Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."
Shrek yells at Donkey. Fiona yells, "Stop yelling at the ass!"
My people are starving. Stop Africa jokes. Not funny >:(
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared, “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.
All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."
I'll stop with the horrible puns if you can say a good joke.
So, I got a paper towel roll, ripped it, but started to fart when I ripped it off, and stopped farting when I got it off the roll, and then I said, "I guess that's why it's called ripping one!"
My son asked me to stop singing Oasis songs in public. I said maybe.
What is the difference between Bin Laden and Santa? One stops at the top of the skyscraper.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
How do you get a clown to stop smiling?
You shoot him in the face.
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
What happened to the eight-year-old boy that needed to go to the bathroom during church?
The priest stopped him on the way there.
A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"
Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"
Let's not make any more Indian jokes. All your jokes are trash. Please stop.
