Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!
How do you stop a skunk from smelling?
Hold its nose.
Worst joke ever.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Pick him up and sick his dick.
I could never forget my grandfather's last words. "Stop shaking the ladd-"
Q: What is a skeleton's favorite color?
A: Blue stop signs.
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
These jokes are offensive. Stop!
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Together we can stop this shit."
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
I followed the sun for a day (stood there at noon). I found myself at the same spot.
Stop it, Superman is stupid, ugly, and nothing.
God help me, please!
