Still jokes

A man walks into a skyscraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An onlooker watches this and is scared, but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped came back up again 10 minutes later.

The onlooker who is amazed asked the man how he was still alive, and the man said with a drunk, slurred voice, “I don’t know, every time I take a shot and jump I float right before I hit the ground!” The man demonstrates and as he said floated down and came back up to the bar. The onlooker says that he must try, slams a shot of tequila and jumps SPLAT!

The bartender looks at the first man and says, “Your an a**hole when your drunk, Superman.”

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

  • 2

    • Donald Trump is still the president, even after the government has been shut down.

    That moment when you realize you do not have a joke and someone ends up laughing at what you still wrote anyway.

    You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:

    Sans: "Sub bro."

    Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"

    Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."

    Sans: "A skele-ton."

    (Drum effect)

    Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"

    What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

    The cat is still alive.

    What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

    Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

    This isn't a joke. My dad went to the shops for some bread 16 years ago. He still hasn't returned. Should I be worried yet? Or should I wait a year?

    Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

    If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

    Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.

    Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.

    Years later:

    Dad still did not come back.

    All these African jokes aren't funny when you are a lover of Africa, how are there still Africans alive? Y'all are racist and may God forgive you. You know we're rich with natural resources, that's why y'all come to steal from us. Shame on you all!

    Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

    A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he's still trying to back out of the driveway.

  • 9

    • How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.

    Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.

    There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.

    What's the grossest thing ever?

    A bag of dead babies.

    What's even more gross?

    The bottom one is still wriggling!