Still jokes
Brother: "I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help."
Sister: "That’s my f***ing electric toothbrush!"
Brother: "Oh, well the offer still stands."
I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.
"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"
Two tourists climb a mountain that utters certain doom.
One tourist falls down. The tourist that's still on the mountain says, "You ok down there?"
The other tourist says, "Can't I just rest in peace?!"
How many babies does it take to replace a light bulb? I'm guessing more than 10 cause it's still dark in my basement.
What are you doing, son? It has been an hour, and you are still in front of the mirror closing your eyes.
Mum, actually I want to see how I look while sleeping...
What do you call a deer with no legs and no eyes?
Still no idea. 😂
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom
I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.
When your grandma says she's rusty but still manages to teach you.
Did you hear about the flood at the circus? Lots of people drowned, and there were two clowns that survived and two nuns still in the audience.
The two clowns ran over to the two nuns, and each one put a nun on his shoulder. Then they waded out of the big top, up to their waists in the rapid, turbulent water. As they were reaching dry land, one clown said to the other, "If you ask me, this is virgin on the ridiculous!"
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
Three doctors go into a room to get rid of a dead guy's body. They notice when they walk over that he has a boner. The first doctor decides, "Why not fuck him? He still has a boner left in him." The second says, "Well, he's dead, and I am a virgin." The third one says, "I can't, I'm on my period," and then says, "Okay, why not? He's already dead. It's not like he doesn't smell bad." After all that, they go to walk out, and the guy pops up and says, "Thanks for saving my life, pumping blood back into my body..."
How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.