Stick jokes
Why can't emos come out of the closet to their parents?
Because they won't be there to stick around.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
A homey thing is a house, and a sticky thing is a stick.
What's the difference between parking a car and finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken, so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody finds out.
A fat man coming in the store.
Waiter: Oh god, not again :|
Fat man: Hi, I would like three fries and 19 burgers.
Waiter: Sorry sir, you will get the owner's store out of stock on food. Can I get you a salad instead?
Fat man: Oh sorry, but I'm the owner, and I have a lot of stocks. For the record, you should get yourself my order. You're skinny af, girl. You trying to be a stick or something?
It's even better when they get charged by a 19 yo with a funny boom boom stick
Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."
A conductor was conducting a song. At the end, he threw his conductor's stick and killed someone. He was put to the electric chair, but nothing happened. They asked why he didn't die, and he replied, "I'm a bad conductor."
Women, you're a marshmallow because you're white, squashy, and everyone sticks their stick inside you.
Stick your head up someone's butt. What do you get? A Butthead!
"Get your butt out of my face!"
"Then get your face out of my butt!!!"
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
What's the difference between a T-Rex and your sister? I can't stick my dick in a dinosaur.
What is sticky, but it cannot stick a stick?
Q: Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
A: To find Pooh!
How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
Why doesn't the witch wear panties?
To get a better grip on her broom stick!
You were supposed to be born in the tree.
The sticks were your siblings.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Three Europeans head to an island. They are captured by the island people. They are going to kill them, and they plead. They grant them a chance to live. The island people tell them to grab a fruit from the tribe's garden and bring it back, then to follow the task at hand.
The first guy brings back a peach. The island leader says, "Stick it up your ass. If you laugh, you die." The first guy shoves it up his ass and laughs, so they kill him. The second guy brings a grape, he does the same and laughs, making them kill him.
The first two are in heaven together. "Peaches are fuzzy, so I laughed. How the hell did you die? You had a grape!" says the first guy. The second guy replied, "It didn't tickle at all. I laughed at the sight [of] the third guy was bringing over a pineapple."
Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "
". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"
Divorce is scheduled for next month.