How did Teddy Roosevelt swing all the ladies?
He spoke softly and carried a big stick.
Trying to find good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out
A guy is walking down the street, when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "looks like shit." Crouches down and smells it, "smells like shit." Sticks his finger in, tastes it, "tastes like shit." He then smiled and said, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it".
Whats the difference between a priest and MCDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns
How do you make a snooker table laugh tickle its balls
Why do asscheeks make great friends?
They always STICK TOGETHER
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job, and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries
What do you call an orange on a small stick?
Donald Trump.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player? A hockey player showers.
How do you get a blonde to drown? Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool
This isn’t much of a joke but pickup line ok it’s this. Are you a marshmallow because I wanna put my stick in u
guys don’t let nobody hurt you with words like someone once said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
What do you do when you see a lady in a wheelchair? You grab a stick and put it through the wheelchair and call her nunchucks
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
A cop saw an old lady carring two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash. "How did you get all this?" asked the cop. "Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grapped by hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that nobody pees in my yard ever again." The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?" She said, "Not everybody paid."
Rose are red balls are round skirts are up painties are down belly to belly skin to skin when its stiff stick it in.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat. The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools the hat was covering the hips
I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.
