My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
Why couldn't the blonde dial 911?
She couldn't find the 11.
I knew you played football because your hairline is receding.
What Minecraft mob do autistic people relate to the most?
The Enderman.
Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?
There was a new texture pack.
What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
What do gay people call fighting? It can't be beef, so...
Carrots?
What does a pizza and a Mexican have in common?
One can feed a family.
What is an emo's favorite place?
Niagara Falls.
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
Why do emos love jumping in water?
Because it involves a rope.
Met the emo kid today; he was pretty chill; he was just hanging out.
Why was the Pakistani bomber angry? Since he got a pepperoni instead of a plain [pizza].
What makes Squidward and a Quandale Dingle the same?
They both got them big parts.
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
Girl, you must be a Muslim because you are da bomb.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
