Start jokes
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"
Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"
Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"
*Insert me starting a war in the comments*
What’s a 5 letter word that starts with a ‘P’ that girls love to get their hands on? 😏
What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?
You really thought n****r, didn't you?
I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.
Prophets are through the roof!
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.
I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.
I gave her a lift back to her crib because her car wouldn’t start.
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
I once went up to an orphan and they were crying, and I asked where their parents are, and they started crying more.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
When your mum went to the UK and wore a yellow jacket, everyone started yelling "Taxi! Taxi!"
Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”