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Bear

  • A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high, smoking weed, talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage.

    And then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor, gets drunk, and asks the rabbit, "Can I have one more scotch, pretty please?"

    And the rabbit says, "Hell to the naw, I'm not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath."

  • 2
  • Job

  • Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!

    Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!

    Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!

    Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!

    Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?

    Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?

    Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.

    Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!

    Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!

    Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!

    Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!

    Gwen: He does, you're not listening.

    Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!

  • 3
  • Stand-up comedy

  • Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.

  • 0
  • Traffic

  • There was a lot of traffic and Bob stopped.

    Babu is not a child. Helmets, helmets, flares, and light gloves — which should be his undoing today — are part of the Grünsen man's music.

    Risk: like Kuchi in Erdjeskos Age: after coax-caramel herring sauce.

    Bob Oberstein stands on the fabric of the Tapich expedition, measuring the short axis in centimeters for the short Everest. It's not funny, but the rubber star is moved 90 degrees to the right, but it happens. Tiny Fossel bans button furong. Bob Warler. Dan Grip.

    "Oh," said Bob.

    Weapons are dangerous and brutal.

    Long world!

    Here's Bob Gusko's Purselbaum starting to do it. Shaun Aram needs to take those big steps forward.

    Sing a song!

    The main series of Night Remnants is Bright Rainbows and Underworld by Stuart Haystack.

    Cars — Cars — Everything!

    The centrifugal forces losses are high. Bob's legs no longer adhere to Dam Dirk's Hilton. You can fill your stomach with three types of pilaf. At that time, the team that worked forever released the LEGO-Tele of Trep Hinab. Bob spins quickly and is yellow-blue.

    Hmm!

    The final stage: Bob's Torso Destroy action film manner over the laminate of the floor try only. Go to his leg and stop at Hastor.

    People.

    Donkey Bob tricks Commodus with his snow harp. Good science. But if the house of God says: If you are in the Bescherung District, around the house, you cannot do that.

    "The war against slaves..." Bob's comment was emotional.

  • 0
  • Homework

  • What starts with S and ends with S? STUPID HOMEWORK NEVER ENDS.

    What starts with C and ends with K? Children do not cook.

    What did you think I was going to say? How bold of you to assume.

    Parachute

  • There were 5 people on an airplane.

    1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

    The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."

    "Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."

    The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.

    The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.

    The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.

    Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"

    And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"

  • 1
  • Day

  • What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

    To those who are dead now, was it fun?

    Feminist

  • What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

    Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

  • 7
  • Whale

  • "You momo joso fat, she went in the ocean and the whales came up to her and started singing, ""We Are Family"" even though you are father than me."

    Guy

  • Mbu some guys look financially stable until you start dating them... Mbu wait I see how this week goes...🤔

  • 1
  • Asshole

  • Gwen: Addison, I don't mean to be mean but you're really starting to be an asshole!

    Addison: I don't know what you mean. I've always been an asshole. That is why people pound me in the asshole!

    Kariah: That's sad!

    Toaster

  • A toaster and a slice of whole wheat bread sit together in the sauna.

    After five minutes, the bread starts to sweat extremely and says: "Oh, I think I'm going to be a toast in here!"

    The toaster just looks at it bored from the side and replies: "Don't get upset. I'm just here to really switch off."

  • 0
  • Hooker

  • This ole boy picked up this hooker and was getting some head driving down the road, and she started gagging on it a little, and he said, "Oh yeah baby, you like that big dick, don't ya?" and she said, "Oh baby, it's not that, ya asshole stinks!"

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