My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
Why did the rapper refuse to write a diss track?
He didn’t want to start beef, he’s VEGAN.
How does a rapper start a race?
With a ready, set, FLOW!
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
Why did the rapper start a gardening business?
He had mad ROOTS in the game.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
Your hairline is so far back, your barber didn't know where to start.
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
Why did the rapper start gardening?
He wanted to get more ROOTS in his rhymes.
How do butts start a conversation?
"Let's cut to the chase!"
Why did the ass start a gardening service?
It was great at dropping SEEDS.
