Start Jokes

I tried to start a music career but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.

How do you start a fight in space?

"Comet me bro."

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister? Nothing, he just started wanking.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him " Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it. The genie says "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guys says "Well I've always wanted to drive out to hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, Is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says "Well I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women. The genie thinks for a few moments and says "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

So little johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.

If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!

If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!

And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:

Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?

Little johnny smiled and said: A bus driver!

Three guys are on a plane one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American, and the Pilot says “There is to much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off.” So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said , “I have plenty of these where I come from,” the the Asian threw out some rice and said “I have plenty of these in my country,” The American threw out a bomb and said, “I have a lot of these in my country.” The plane crashes anyway and the three men start to walk away from the crash, as they were walking the found a boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of Buritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy,” The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying they asked him what was wrong and he said, “A ton of rice fell out of the sky and sherded all my clothes.” The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble, they kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny the boy said, “MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!”

i saw a kid crying in the corner of the room and i said " are you OK? where are you parents" and he started crying even more. I love working in an orphanage

A kid gets home from school and find his mom and dad having sex, the kid asks "what are you doing dad" the dad replies "having sex with your mom son" and he starts laughing The next day dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan, the dad shouts "what the hell are you doing son" the kid replies " it's not funny when it's your mom is it"

how is everyone? I just started school. SIX GREADE YEAH

What starts with s and ends with erm? SuperM. This means both matrix and master so take out the u and then you just get master. When you think of sperm you think of porn. If your a master at something your also a star at it. So you get porn star.

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

how do you get a party started in Africa

you put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping

Motherhood is a fairytale in reverse. You start in a beautiful gown end up cleaning everyone's messes.

To start off this Christmas season imma make a list of what I want, then Ima make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations ima start with the first ornament and hang myself

I just saw people writing Zoophile, Ailurophile, Dendrophilia in their bio, I thought this is cool but when I wrote Necrophile and Pedophile, Idk why people started hating me as I did something wrong, I was just trying to be cool as them man