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Cannibal

Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.

A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"

Love

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

Orphan

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.

Orphan

I asked my orphan friend what his movie is, he said "Spiderman: No Way Home." I said, "Probably because it's so relatable, right?" He started crying. I don't know why.

Memes

Friend

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

Orphan

A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.

Man

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

Meme

I watched a documentary called "Redline Carrera: Birth of the Memes." It all started with Paul Walker.

Wood

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

Vape

Someone should start a vaping company with the slogan: "Vapes that hit harder than your dad." Sales would skyrocket.

Yo mama

Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.

Shooting

School shooting: Happens.

Foreign Exchange Student: Starts sobbing under desk.

American Student: "First time?"

Hairline

(Bully) Boy, you ugly!

(Me) Boy, shut up, that's why your hairline start at the back of your head.

9/11

What makes 9/11 an inside job?

Someone started calling it 10/7.

Library

I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Miscarriage

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage,

So you start singing "It’s the best day ever!"

Smoking

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

Santa

Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.