Start Jokes

People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.

🎆 New Year's Eve

Lil Johnny👦: „Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight“

Mom👱🏻‍♀️: „Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?“

Dad👨🏻‍🦰: „Son, if you don't leave, it‘ll bang on your head!“

Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."

Me: "You should be Batman."

Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5...

‎...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say 'Knock knock,' we’d say 'Who’s there?.' Then she’d say 'I can’t remember'... and start to cry."

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is' The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock

Two friends were walking in a forest they started to fight. A cannibal came and shouted food fight!

When you find out your wife had a miscarriage

So you start singing it’s the best day ever

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared." "It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"

*School shooting : Happens* Foreign Exchange Student: *Starts sobbing under desk* American Student: "First time?"

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the tom holland spiderman movies with me and he started crying..