Start Jokes

So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.

On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"

Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.

On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.

On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"

Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"

Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"

People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?

If WW3 starts, I do, in fact, belong in the kitchen.

Why does an orphan start with an "O"?

Because they only see their parents in their dream.

Two magicians were in a competition. The first one did magic, and the second started counting down, "3, 2," but before he said the last number, he 1.

Ima start callin' these hoes roosters, 'cause any cock-a-do.

I saw a little kid crying today. I asked where his parents were, and he started to cry more. I left the orphanage to get some milk after that.

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

Life is like a game of poker, guys start by going with them clubs, ladies follow with a set of hearts, guys put down the diamonds, and before you know it you got a full house.

What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?

Nothing.

Why should old women never eat seafood?

'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.

I thought happiness started with an “H.” Why does my happiness start with “U”?

I picked up a document, and I started to feel cold.

I looked down at the document, and it read "DRAFT."

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

We must start a propaganda for baked beans.

What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start :)

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.