One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left
You momma's so fat she started fat lives matter .. meetings are everyday 11 o clock mcdonalds 12 o clock kfc 1 o'clock pizza Hut
What starts with "E" and ends with "G"?
Everything
Your forehead so big your thoughts started on a monday and didn't end til' sunday
3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with ̈why did you drive so fast. ̈
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, "for the France!" And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, "long live the queen!" And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said "MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS"
😥This is offensive sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed "You gonna start the dishwasher or what"?
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
There's a lot of talk about starting families, but no one ever talks about finishing what they started.
When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital and everyone starts sleeping better.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamus` wife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus` wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
When Kim jong-un said nuke the chinese, he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl a chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
His boss gave him some projects to work in, but he failed at it
His boss told him : "You suck"
And he started sucking his boss, after he was done
His boss told him : "You suck for life"
XD
People at my school have started to wear Logan Paul merch. I try to give them a high five, but they always leave me hanging.
"My grandmother used to tell us a joke. She’d say 'Knock knock,' we’d say 'Who’s there?.' Then she’d say 'I can’t remember'... and start to cry."
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders? He hit them all when he started shooting his shot
When you find out your wife had a miscarriage
So you start singing it’s the best day ever
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking
Tell her to slow down and use lubricant
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy he started crying and I said stand up for you self
