Stand jokes
Stand in the corner.
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
A plane is about to crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out.
A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a man man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, takes off his shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.
What does “JETS” stand for?
Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.
This is our motto- "Never fear orphans! You are even more special than diamonds."
Orphan club for ppl who stand up for orphans!
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
Teacher: "Stand up, class!"
She is sitting down.
Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
Why do orphans hate the letter F?
Because the F stands for the family that didn't want them.
Yahahlmsyw.
That stand for:
You are has a whole, let me show you why.