Stand jokes
Teacher: "Stand up, class!"
She is sitting down.
Teacher: "Whoever stands up is stupid!"
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
P.S. My brother made this up when he had no meds... I almost died.
What does ATM stand for?
Answer: Amy’s Terrible Mom.
😂🤣
I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.
What does the A stand for in "orphan, adopt" from the orphan company?
They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
Why couldn't the bicycle stand? It was two tired...
Once I was in South Korea doing stand up comedy... and I started with a "hidden" joke and I said: "I'm so happy to be here in one of the most beautiful Korea's in the world..." which is a good joke but they didn't get it, and they looked at me badly... so I said "I'm here in the South which is more beautiful... South good, North booooooo." But still nothing, they kept glaring at me... then I realized that maybe I was in the wrong Korea.
My pansexual son was asked to form a sentence with a word "Carry" on his zoom class earlier on today and he said "Pessi was carried by Iniesta and Neymar to his Mickey Mouse UCL". He received a standing ovation. Children are our hope and I'm proud of the education system!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Why do orphans hate the letter F?
Because the F stands for the family that didn't want them.
Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader?
Because he's their father.
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.