Stand jokes

Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.

Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.

Me: But you are not standing:)

Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?

Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.

Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.

Dad: Exactly.

What does the F in orphan stand for?

FAMILY 😭😭

*IT'S DEPRESSING THIS PAGE EXISTS*

The "W" in Africa stands for water.

What does NASA stand for? 🍝🧇🍝🧇🍝

When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"

She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD

I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.

What's the difference between Chaplin and a politician in a wheelchair?

Chaplin does stand-up comedy, and the politician does sit-down... comedy.

Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.

After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,

Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"

There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.

Why don’t she stand up for herself?

Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.

Why are so many people making fun of people with wheelchairs?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

So I went to a mall and I was finna buy something... and I saw a little boy and he said "hello," so then I passed by him and he said "hi," and I was like "hi nigga," and he said, "um, just wondering something... I mean I like jokes, but what is dark humor?" And I was like "umm🤔.. it's like 🤔🤔...like you see that guy without legs? Tell him to stand up"... and he said "I'm blind nigga" and I said "exactly homie"... aight nigga peace and look out😏😉

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations