Stand jokes
A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
Neona: Gwen! I got the job!!!!!!!!!
Gwen: I knew it! I knew my prayer worked!
Neona: He said that all my ideas are the best and that I start on Monday!
Gwen: Man, don't you love Mr. Jaekson? He is the best person the company has ever had!
Neona: Who is Mr. Jaekson?
Gwen: Wait... Mr. Jaekson didn't interview you?
Neona: No! Mr. Smith did. He said he was standing.
Gwen: No, Mr. Smith, you are a fool who never lets you spread the word or do anything. I can also mention that he is a person who has sexual problems!
Neona: Gwen, you are a liar!
Gwen: No, I'm not. I'm telling the truth, Neona!
Neona: Gwen, please be happy that I got the job without you lying that Mr. Smith sexual assaults women!!!
Gwen: He does, you're not listening.
Neona: I don't care, BITCH!!!!
Technoblade: It is high vitamin B.
Quackiity: What does vitamin B stand for?
Technoblade: Broke.
I just figured out the "X" in Max stands for the button on Tinder every girl wants to press when they see him.
Why did the rapper sit on the stool?
Because he had too much FLOW to stand still!
What time is it when you stand on a pile of money in the bank?
High interest!
What are four ways a condom is like a Republican elephant?
1. It stands for inflation.
2. It limits production.
3. It encourages cooperation.
4. It gives you a feeling of security even though you know you're being screwed.
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
Stephen Hawking is a real stand up guy, out-standing performance.
Friend: If you don't like my bad jokes, I will tell some stand up comedy.
Me: But you are not standing:)
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
What does NASA stand for? 🍝🧇🍝🧇🍝
Son: Daddy, what's dark humor?
Dad: See that man over there with no arms or legs? Go tell him to stand up and clap.
Son: But Daddy, I'm blind.
Dad: Exactly.
What does the F in orphan stand for?
FAMILY 😭😭
*IT'S DEPRESSING THIS PAGE EXISTS*
There’s this girl who gets bullied for being in a wheelchair.
Why don’t she stand up for herself?
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Are you a hotdog stand? 'Cause you make my hotdog stand ;)
Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!
Stephen Hawking can't stand for army.