Stand jokes

So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."

I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.

I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.

What does Marine stand for?

My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.

What does Marine stand for?

Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.

What does Army stand for?

Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.

The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

The + in LGBTQ+ stands for pedophiles.

Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"

Do you know the F in "orphan" stands for family?

There is no F in "orphan".

Exactly.

Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?

Because he can't stand up for himself.

Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.

What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.

What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?

A brunette with bad breath.

What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.

These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.