Stand jokes
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
The + in LGBTQ+ stands for pedophiles.
Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"
Do you know the F in "orphan" stands for family?
There is no F in "orphan".
Exactly.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
What do you call a blonde girl standing on her hands?
A brunette with bad breath.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?
Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?
It’s the premium version of gay.
What does “JETS” stand for?
Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"