Stand jokes

It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.

Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"

Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.

Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?

Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.

The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"

What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.

MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]

Why did the disabled kid keep getting bullied?

He couldn’t stand up for himself.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Me: I want to be a stand-up comedian.

Friend: You have to be able to stand up.

Do you guys know why women have small feet? It's because God created them to stand closer to the sink when they wash dishes.

Why don't paralyzed people laugh?

They hate stand-up comedy.

What do the initials "MAD" stand for?

Mothers Against Democrats.

What does “JETS” stand for?

Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.

Stairs.

Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.

Could it be ligma?

Ligma balls, daddy!

Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.

She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.

Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."