Stand

Stand jokes

Church

    • A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

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    • Dolphin

    • Why are dolphins so smart?

    Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

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    • Stand memes

    Wheelchair

    • My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

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    • Teacher

    • One day little Jonny is in class. It is the second day back to school. The teacher is annoyed with the kids, so she goes to the front of the class and says, "If you think you are stupid, stand up." Little Jonny stood up.

    The teacher asked him, "Why do you think you're stupid?" Little Jonny said, "I don't think I am stupid."

    Then the teacher asked little Jonny why he stood up. Then little Jonny replied, "I just felt bad seeing you standing here alone."

    Heaven

    • When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.

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    • Democracy

    • An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""

    "We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"

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    • Grandmother

    • Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

    The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

    Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

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