Stand jokes
Florida: Homemade Taco Stand.
California: Homemade Lemonade Stand.
Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
The + in LGBTQ+ stands for pedophiles.
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
A mom and her two children were eating at a place while playing trivia when she asked what does AIDS stand for? Her son Dallyn has no idea, but her daughter Emberlee, who has always been a little odd, says, "An Intentional Disease." Her brother and mom just stared!
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.