Stand jokes

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

Stairs.

Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.

Could it be ligma?

Ligma balls, daddy!

If you are disabled and a comedian, is it called stand-down or sit-up?

Why don't paralyzed people laugh?

They hate stand-up comedy.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.

What does “JETS” stand for?

Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.

What do the initials "MAD" stand for?

Mothers Against Democrats.

Stand in the corner.

What stands on the side of the road and needs a lot of money to buy?

Billboard, did you think I was gonna say street walker?

I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!

I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!

What do you call an emo kid standing outside the mall?

Anything, he'll cry no matter what you say.

I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.

I just stand at the back and ting.

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?

Your forehead is so big I could stand on it.

Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.