Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.
Stand? Wait. No.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
Must. Escape. Meme.
Existence is what meme stands for for some haters.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.
The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
Stand in the corner.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.
I just stand at the back and ting.
Your forehead is so big I could stand on it.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
