Stand jokes

Why did Hitler go for handicap?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.

What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.

What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.

There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.

In her religion, you NEVER pull out.

The "w" in Africa stands for wealth.

What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?

They can't stand up for themselves.

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"

A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"

What do the initials UAW stand for?

United Awesome Whores.

I can’t stand jokes about Germans.

They’re the wurst.

Q. What's an Alzheimer's victim's favourite song? A. Stand Down at Sundown.

Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"

No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Stand? Wait. No.

A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.

I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.

I just stand at the back and ting.

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."

What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?

The Twin Towers.