Stand jokes
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
Stairs.
Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
Tork Poettschke & Jack London walk down the street together. One asks the other, "May I stand in the middle?"
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
Me going to the principal's after telling the kid with a wheelchair to stand up for himself.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
You know, people always tell you to stand up for yourself. Why didn't anyone tell the World Trade Center that? 🤔
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!