Stand jokes
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
What does “JETS” stand for?
Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
What do the initials "MAD" stand for?
Mothers Against Democrats.
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
Stairs.
Stephen Hawking can't stand stairs.
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
Q: Why did the ballerina get kicked off the squad?
She was standing way too close to the dancers.
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
Your forehead is so big I could stand on it.
What do you call two terrorists standing next to each other with their dicks out?
The Twin Towers.
A handicapped person tells a good joke, but he can't be a stand up comedian.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.