Stand jokes
"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.
So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
She’s got 20 dudes in her DMs telling her she is pretty. Stand out, call her ugly.
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
Stephen Hawking's least favorite song is "I'm Still Standing."
The "w" in Africa stands for wealth.
What makes Stephen Hawking and your dumped girlfriend similar?
They can't stand up for themselves.
What does E.T. stand for? Because he has little legs.
What does S.H. stand for? He doesn't.
What does S.H. stand for? Shit happens.
There's only one reason our Education Minister is standing by this curriculum.
In her religion, you NEVER pull out.
An orphan walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man running the stand, "Hey, bum, bum, bum, got a family?"
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
Yo mama so fat that you need a jack stand to get her up.
The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.
He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.
I can’t stand jokes about Germans.
They’re the wurst.
What does Army stand for?
Ain't Ready to be a Marine Yet.
What does Marine stand for?
My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.
I don't joke about paraplegics; they wouldn't be able to stand up for themselves.
I went to a handicapped comedy club, but all the jokes they told were special, and they didn't know a lot about stand-up at all.