What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
Stand Jokes
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
P = Person (not original "pun")
P1: Hey girl! P2: I got a bf! P1: Well, I got a Lamborghini Aventador, a Bugatti Super Sports, a yacht, and a private plane. P2: BF stand for breakfast. P2: Oh, and also, where did you get all that stuff? P1: GTA5 P2: You motherfucker!!!
(Communications with this person are now blocked)
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”
The "P" in Batman stands for parents.
Why do you make fun of disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.
What does BLM stand for?
Biden loves millennials.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
Most people don't realize this, but the F in orphan stands for family.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"
Why was Stephen Hawking a bad influence towards kids? Because he couldn’t stand for anything.
What does B.I.B.L.E stand for?
Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence.
What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady, but no one knew because he couldn't stand up?
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.
The cop that is on a 12 o'clock shift says, "Hands up!"
It's so sad that Stephen Hawking can't stand up for himself.
Stephen Hawking listens to the song "I Am Still Standing" and cries to himself.
