Stand jokes
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
The "W" in Africa stands for water.
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
What comedy skill can’t any cripple master?
Stand up.
What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."