Stand jokes
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
I went to a library and I started to make fun of a disabled guy. He started crying, and I said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
An American and a Russian are talking. The American says, "We in America have the best democracy. We can stand in front of the White House and shout with impunity: \"The American President is a moron!\""
"We can do that too," says the Russian, walking with the American to the Kremlin and shouting: "The American President is a moron!"
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Why can't pirates play cards? Because they're standing on the deck.
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
The "S" in Putin stands for smart.
Did you know the F in orphan stands for family... Oh wait, haha.
We should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell their parents... Oh, continue.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!