Stand jokes
I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.
haha why couldn't the bike stand up because it was too tired.
Do you guys know what KFC stands for? It stands for kidnapping foster children.
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
Why do people in wheelchairs get bullied? Because they can never stand up for themselves.
Memes
Florida: Homemade Taco Stand.
California: Homemade Lemonade Stand.
Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
🤔 What does BLM stand for? Blacks Love Masturbation 💘 💘 💘 💘 ☺ 😀 👍 👍
Why does Stephen Hawking only do one-liners?
Because he can’t do stand up.
Q: What do the St. Louis Rams and Billy Graham have in common?
A: They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell, “Jesus Christ.”
What does NASA stand for?
Neil Armweak Sorry Armstrong.
Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Why do gay people only stand crooked? Cuz they can’t be straight.
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
I'm surprised that the tree is still standing when my emo friend is hanging from it.
Stephen was a mad role model. He never taught me to stand up for myself.
A guy asked me what I do for a living.
Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"
Why do violists stand for long periods outside of people's houses? They can't find the key and don't know when to come in.