Stand jokes
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.
Roses are red.
Your passports are blue.
Now go stand over there,
In that very long queue!
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.
The streets go blank in the dead of the day, not a car to be seen.
A kingdom of corona-cation, and it looks like mom's the queen.
The wind is howling with this virus in the air.
Couldn't keep it in China, everyone knows it's everywhere.
Don't let friends in, don't be afraid.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
Conceal, don't feel your insanity, that the virus caused!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! You have to hold it back a little more! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Turn away and slam your doors!
I don't care what the government says! Let me go to my friend's house.
Sickness doesn't get to me anyway.
It's funny how some distance makes everyone insane, and the fears that once controlled me are here and present, oh well!
It's time to see what I can do to test the limits and break through!
No right, no wrong, but stay inside!
WE'RE NOT FREE!!
Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Be one with the peace inside!! Don't let it go! Don't let it go! Watch sad movies and cry!! Here I stand!! And here I'll stay!! 'Cause I have nothing better to do.
The virus flurries through the air into my house!
The storm is spiraling, fear and fractals all around!!
And one thought makes you wanna scream and shout out loud!!
What if we never go back? What if the past is in the past????
DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! And you'll rise at the break of noon! DON'T LET IT GO DON'T LET IT GO!! That's morning girl is gone!! HERE I STAND IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN I WOKE UP!! Let the virus rage on!!!!!! The sickness never gets to me anyway. DING.
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
You’re so short, you could sweep under your bed while standing.
The wheelchair kid laughed at my test score, so I told him to stand up to the anthem.
Why do gay people only stand crooked? Cuz they can’t be straight.
The "F" in "Orphan" stands for "Famulu."
The "P" in Batman stands for parents.
Why did Hitler go for handicap?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.
What does Marine stand for?
Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Not Expected.