stand wait no

Symptoms of Schizophrenia The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize, because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions Hallucinations

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but… I prefer sitting

Why couldn’t the bike stand up by itself?

Cause it was two tired

Yo man, stand up

short person stands

No, seriously man, stand up

Yo mama so tall!!! when she wake up from her bed she stands up and found NASA beside her face, and she thinks it’s a fly!!!

Why couldn’t the bicycle stand? It was two-tired…

What if Stephen Hawking was the Real Slim Shady but no one knew because he couldn’t stand up.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There usually 90^!

Teacher: " Stand up class" She is sitting down. Teacher: " Whoever stands up is stupid."

Julius’s wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).

Man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is with an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says “Indian chief know all! $5”. So the fellow’s curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks “What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?”. Chief taps his chin for a moment and says “Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!”. “Eggs?” shouts the guy “Everybody has eggs! I’ve been had!” throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.

Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says “How”. Chief taps his chin for a moment and says “Poached”.

three scientists are doing an experiment, they are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephants ass. in the lab they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. the monkey sticks the cork up the elephant’s ass and the scientists wait three weeks.

the monkey pulls out the cork and all three scientists go back and discus what they saw. the first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown then it all went black, the second, standing two miles away, said the same, the third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.

What does the B in Benoît B. Mandelbrot stand for?

Benoît B. Mandelbrot

Why didn’t steven Hawkins get into fights

Cause he couldn’t stand up for himself

Me: I want to be a stand up comedian Friend: You have to be able to stand up

2 cows are standing in a field.

Cow 1: did you hear about the outbreak of mad cow disease?

Cow 2: good thing i’m a helicopter.

Friend: If u don’t like my bad jokes I will tell some stand up comedy. Me: But u are not standing:)

A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.

“Doctor, doctor!” He cries out.

“What is it?” The doctor asks.

“I can’t feel my legs!”

The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.

“. . . That’s because I amputated your arms.”

When that one night stand says she has Aids butyou laugh "I choose D!" She says…wait what?? I have all of the above! XD