Stand jokes
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what's the quickest way to get to the hospital?"
Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road!"
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
The "p" in Africa stands for peace.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
These posts are brutal; they're leaving nothing left standing.
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
I broke up with my girlfriend because she wouldn't stand for the pledge. She was in a wheelchair.
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.
Someone was bullying Stephen, so I said, "Why do you not stand up for yourself?"
I got an F in science. F stands for Fantastic!
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.