Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window. When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn’t just walked through the door. The owner responded, “I’m pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food.” When the man looked confused, the owner said; “Windows are nature’s vending machine.”

Why couldnt proffessor xavier fight magneto? because he couldnt stand up for himself

Why did the people think Stephen hawking was disrespectful? Cause he didn’t stand up for the national anthem

The M and D in orphan stands for Mom and Dad.

If Stephen hawking got into a fight he could not stand up for himself

Two wind turbines are standing in a field. One asks, "What’s your favorite type of music?" The other says, “Well…I’m a huge metal fan…”

One night I was sitting on my bed in my room, minding my own business. It was pretty late, around 10 PM. The glow of my laptop screen was the only light in the room. I heard a noise coming from behind me. It sounded like the door was opening, but there was no one else in the house. I turned around and found Mr. Incredible standing in my doorway, a stern look on his face. He walked over to me, slowly and dramatically. Then he leaned over and pointed his finger at my face, only about two inches away now. I was frozen with my back against the wall. Then, Mr. Incredible said something I would never forget: “Stop pirating video games.” Ever since that day, I have never gone on a pirating website and have paid legally for my video games. True story.

A man is standing on the side of the road, waiting to cross, when another man stands alongside him, the first man says, " I have been waiting to cross here for ages, its impossible to cross " the second man says, “there is a zebra crossing up the road”, he said, “I hope he is having better luck than I am”.

Apparently Steven Hawkins was a stand up kind of guy

Why did people bully Steven Hawkins?

Because he couldn’t stand up for him self

Why couldn’t the bike stand up?—Because it was “two tired”!

Florida: Homemade Taco Stand

California: Homemade Lemonade Stand

Alabama: Homemade Abortion Stand

How are Stephen hawking and kaepernick so much alike…they both don’t stand for the national anthem

What do you call a person with no arms or legs lying face first in a river? BOB What do you call two people with no arms or legs standing in front of a window? Curt and Rod

What dose NASA Stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts

Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other “What do you think about that mad cow disease”. The other replies “Well I don’t have to worry about it. You’re talking to a telephone pole.”.

These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can’t stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".

There was a man he came home with his friends from the bar and man; was he ever wasted. Their friends made sure to get him home safely the next morning he woke up and found blood all over his night stand he called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon.He tells those who believe in god to stand up and leave.To the children who don’t leave ,he says ,"Do not worry my children,I shall make thou ‘hole-y’ as well."He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline, maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem

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