I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
the fat kid asked the teacher "is godzilla real" the teacher said "they're standing right infront of me"
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says " I can't stand my mother in law". The other says " so , just eat the potatoes".
Why did Steven hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
my friend was in a crash so when he got put in a wheelchair people bullied him so i told him to stand up for him self
I was a sit down comedian then i try to stand up I felled
I wished i stayed in the wheelchair.
The F in Orphans stand for family...
the s in america stands for safe.
You raise me up to stand on mountains said the drawf pornstar on my penis
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
what makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man? "im still standing, yeah yeah yeah" (from elton john)
when the south tower saw the north tower collapse he say I'm still standing.
mom tells her son to go to the other kid to walk to the kid just standing still to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car(but her son was blind the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap and the kid died because he couldn't hear he was deaf)
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
It was a complete waste of money.
He just stands there applauding and saying
"Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
what do you call a stand up comedian if the comedian doesn’t have legs?????????????
jimmy does stand up comedy he says “what do you call an orangutang”
jake replies “YOU” then everyone including the teacher laughs jimmy cries
LOL
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags „We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“. Trump goes on „Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater für at least three months!“. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - „Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.“
Imagine Steven hawkings was the real slim shady but could not stand up
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
