Stand jokes

What does the Bible stand for?

Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.

I always win arguments against my handicapped girlfriend; she can't stand for herself.

"Hitler and Goring are standing atop the Berlin radio tower. Hitler says he wants to do something to put a smile on Berliners' faces.

So Goring says: 'Why don't you jump?'"

Some say Stephen Hawking couldn't stand up for himself 😂

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

What do you say to your customer at a popsicle stand when he asks for the price?

Dollar a pop!

Get it?

Did you know you don't actually wash your hands?

They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.

Why do G-Unit and C-Unit stand for? Gorilla unit and chimpanzee unit.

The two brothers were sitting next to each other. They played with planes all day long. They got too violent, and now their sister (World Trade Center) stands there. The brothers were put up for adoption, and the planes were given back to their owners.

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"

I still remember the third of December, me in your sweater. You said it looked better on me than it did you. Only if you knew how much I liked you. But I watch your eyes as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes, Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were Heather. Watch as she stands with her, holding your hand. Put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder. But how could I hate her, she's such an angel. But then again, kinda wish she were dead as she walks by. What a sight for sore eyes. Brighter than the blue sky. She's got you mesmerized while I die. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. I wish I were Heather. Oh, I wish I were Heather. Oh, oh, wish I were Heather. Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty. You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, But you like her better. Wish I were-

Why didn't Trump help someone who can't walk?

He thinks she should stand up for herself.

What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?

Elton John is still standing.

I've started playing the triangle for a reggae band. It's pretty casual.

I just stand at the back and ting.

When you realize your friend standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does.

A teacher is teaching a class algebra. Timmy, you've worked out it is AK, but what is 59 minus 12? Timmy shakes his head, not knowing. The teacher asks, "How about AK 49 minus 2?" Timmy replies with um... The teacher becomes frustrated and yells, "What comes after AK, Timmy!?" The white kid at the back stands, shouts 47, and pulls the trigger.

He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.

What sucks about disabled people?

They can't stand up for themselves.