Stand jokes
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
What's the quickest way to go to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was out-standing.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
My girlfriend dumped me today. Apparently, I don't stand up for her in fights. I don't care. She used to push me around all the time.
So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.
He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"
I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin.
The jokes weren't that good, but I liked the execution.
The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."
What do you call a Sikh man standing on a rope? Balan Singh.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Why did Steven Hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What sucks about disabled people?
They can't stand up for themselves.
"You raise me up to stand on mountains," said the dwarf pornstar on my penis.
The F in orphans stands for family...
The S in America stands for safe.