Stand jokes
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
Why do the Twin Towers have Elton John?
Because Elton "IS STILL STANDING".
I "onerie," or however you spell it, I like to replace all romance or similar memes with duck memes. Just comment duck memes there and change Valentine's Day to Duck Day. Also, for the joke:
Why did the duck walk up to the lemonade stand?
Because he wanted grapes.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
What does the + sign stand for in LGBTQ+?
It’s the premium version of gay.
What does “JETS” stand for?
Jihadis Eradicating The Skyscrapers.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Why don’t rappers play hide and seek?
Because good rappers always stand out!
What do the initials "MAD" stand for?
Mothers Against Democrats.
What do the initials FEMA stand for?
Federal Erection Management Agency.
What do the initials CIA stand for?
Central Intelligence of A**holes.
What do the initials FBI stand for?
Federal Bureau of Idiots.
What do the initials UAW stand for?
United Awesome Whores.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
"Monica Lewinsky has gone down on Bill Clinton several times. What's stopping her from having a one-night stand with Donald Trump?"
"Trump is nothing more than a little pussy, don't ya know?"
What is the difference between the Twin Towers and Elton John?
Elton John is still standing.
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.