Speed jokes
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims; they went through 91 stories in 11 seconds.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
Why does Sonic wear gloves? Because his hands are cold.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Your mom is so slow it took her 9 months to create a joke.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
Your mama is so slow, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.