Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
Speed Jokes
Why do cheetahs have spots outside of their bodies?
Because they don't have them on the inside.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
You're a train; you ran fast on these rails, but you gain nothing, you only gain pain.
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
Roses are red, bow down to your master, children are fast, but I am faster.
Who are the world's fastest readers?
9/11 victims; they went through 91 stories in 11 seconds.
A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.
"Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"
You learn something new every day.
Like the people in 9/11 are the world's fastest readers; they went through 100s in under a second.
Your mama is so slow, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
What's the difference between the Barracuda car and a fish?
The fish can't go fast.
Yo mama is so ugly, she makes the Flash stop dead in his tracks.
What do you get if you cross hot wheels, hot legs? Hehe.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: 9/11 victims. They went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
