Speed jokes
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
My boat is super fast, so I named it Usain.
Usain Boat.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
Why does a cheetah cheat to always win?
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims, they did 98 stories in 10 seconds.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
What do retarded cops give tickets for?
Going over 45 in a potato zone.
I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.
I ran over my neighbor's cat last night, and I just want to say... that thing was fast! I had to run a red light to get it!
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
Are you a race car?
Cuz I’m tryna fuck.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
I painted my black PS5 white so the controller would run faster.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
What is the epitome of being quick on the draw?
Coming both first and last in the same round of "soggy biscuit".
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.