Speed jokes
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.
The cheetah and lion are racing. The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "Man, you a cheetah."
The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
Chuck Norris can make Minute Maid lemonade in 5 seconds.
I was riding ya mom... LIKE SHE’S MARIO KART!
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Who would win in a race, Stephen Hawking or a turtle?
The turtle, because it can walk.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
Speed.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
Why did the cheetah get sad?
'Cause it didn't have any balls to suck.
What happened when the cheetah took too many baths?
He became spotless!!!
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.