Speed jokes
I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.
Wait, there aren't any road bumps.
O h s h i t.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.
Why did Paul Walker die? Because he crashed a car into a tree.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Girls are like roller coasters; the faster you go, the louder they scream.
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.
Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
What do you call a Pokémon who can’t move very fast?
A Slowpoke.
When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.