Space jokes

How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.

What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

Today my idiot brother screamed, "Ahhhhh, I'm dead!" But it wasn't really, so I decided to make it a reality until my sister came...

AND HELPED ME! - for once, but then two minutes later my mom showed up. We killed him right in front of her, and she screamed! "Donuts and pizza for you and more if you go to Mrs. Roberts' house and say hi and bye to Daddy!!!!!" And she hands us both a sharp tool, and I say, "What about Tommy??!!! Aren't you MAD!!!!!!!" Then she replied, "Who's THAT!!??? Coz he ain't mine. His name is Tommy, Tommy Roberts."

So then me and my sister visit Mrs. Roberts, and she said, "Oh, this isn't anything important. Go home!" So then my sister and I say hi! and do a countdown. After that my Nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL! 😊😊😊 But then the police question us where daddy was, so then Mom said....................... oh he's moved on! So then the police officer was like, "Ahem, ma'm where!" SO THEN I BELLOWED.......................... UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she'll obviously say YES or ill........................................

ok like for part two☺☺☺

Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?

Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.

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What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?

One was famous for walking on the moon, (pause), the other fucked young boys.

What does NASA say when they don’t want to go in space: Never Access Space Again.

NASA is big fat poo 💩 no🍱🍠🥮🧀🍘🧀.

Want to hear an inside joke? I walked into a house.

Want to hear an outside joke? I walked out of that house.

How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?

By the rings around it.

What did one cheek say to the other cheek?

"It is a squash in here!"

Saturn was so loved, someone put a ring on him.

Which type of nut goes to outer space?

An astro-nut.

The Stephen Hawking space telescope will be launched next year. Apparently, it will have four wheels and run off Windows 7.

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

Why did NASA have to go to space? Because space is lonely.

Uranus craps diamonds and is a cow 🐮.

I heard that Uranus is pronounced "yuuranus," but it reminded me of urine! 😆

What type of jam do aliens like?

Space Jam!