Someone's jokes

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.

Why did the orphan finally go to church? So they could call someone "father."

You know somebody has a fat ass when someone is standing between you and them, and all you can focus on is that trunk.

Hello, I'm Ariana. I'm looking for someone. Anyone wanna date me?

Ariana

There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.

Hello.

Anyone does online dating and needs someone? HERE I am!

Someone asks a question: Who? Who asked? Boom, you"re done xxx.

What is a fruit's favorite way to call someone?

WhatsApple.

I hate it when I don’t understand someone.

Yo momma so stupid that someone said, "You're not that wealthy," and she went to a doctor.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone unplugged the WiFi router.

What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?

They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.

Attention to everyone - I will be leaving for 3 weeks for a summer break. I will be back in 3 weeks. When I come back, I want someone to tell me everything that has happened over these weeks. (Gwen or Addison Banks).

Sincerely, watersharky.

I'm as bored as heck, someone want to chat?

What do you say to someone's mom?

"You mom gay."

Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"

The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.

Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whisper, "Hello."

"Is your Mummy home?" he asked.

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with her?"

The child whispered, "No."

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy there?"

"Yes."

"May I talk with him?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No."

Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"

"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?"

"Talking to the ambulancemen and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."

Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"

What do you call someone with a small dick... whoever is reading this 😉