What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive." to the corona patients
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn't saluting. Why are you not saluting like the others? Hitler barks. "Mein Führer, Im the nurse," she responds "Im not crazy!
Nurse: Don't worry i'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yea, i always abort them. Parent:... Parent: Your hired
What do you do when finish magazine at the hospital
You reload and keep shooting
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood
What is long brown and cured depression.
A nuse.
So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home. He'll probably leave her alone now. He doesn't eat vegetables.
My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
There were 2 guys in an asylum. One name Kenny and the other is Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny act like he was packing his bags. Nurse said “What are you doin Kenny?” Kenny said “Going to Florida for the week.” Nurse said “Alright see ya when you get back.” Next day Nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny laying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. Nurse said “What are you doing Kenny?” Kenny said “I am at the beach” Nurse said “Oh I forgot your in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back” Bob’s room was across the hall. Nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. Nurse said “Goddamnit Bob what are you doing?” Bob said “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny’s wife right now, he is in Florida for the week”
Kid with Cancer: When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer.
Nure: *Laughs*
Kid: Why are you laughing?
Nurse: When I get OLDER.
Proceeds to laugh.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks "so you don't miss fried chicken."
There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
*in the hospital* paralyzed kid : I'm out *walks out the room* blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k
