Nurse Jokes

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!". And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated you arms."

I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive." to the corona patients

Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn't saluting. Why are you not saluting like the others? Hitler barks. "Mein Führer, Im the nurse," she responds "Im not crazy!

Nurse: Don't worry i'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yea, i always abort them. Parent:... Parent: Your hired

What do you do when finish magazine at the hospital

You reload and keep shooting

Why does the nurse need a red pen?

In case she has to draw blood

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.

"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.

"Denise."

"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"

"Tom Junior."

What is long brown and cured depression.

A nuse.

A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home. He'll probably leave her alone now. He doesn't eat vegetables.

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital? Throw a strob light in the epileptic ward

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!