Smart jokes

Why was an oven so smart?

It had 70 degrees.

What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D

Where do smart hotdogs end up?

On the honor roll!

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.

I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

What do you call somebody in America that is smart?

An immigrant.

What’s the difference between being a genius and being an idiot?

Being a genius has its limits.

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.

Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!

Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!

Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?

It doesn't know jack.

What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?

Answer: Non-existence!

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.

What is a dog that is awesome? A smart dog.

Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.

"Addison, are you one of those kids who are very, very, very, very smart? Because you sound like one."

I hope I'm not a big pain, but Jordan C, please stop bothering me about my age! I know I am 8 years old, but enough.

Then you make jokes about how smart I am and intimidate me because of my name. I don't remember intimidating you for anything. So please, with all due respect, stop.

PS It's not for drama, it's because you're bullying me for nothing. I come here just to joke or be nice to people, not for the drama. So please again. Stop. That is all I ask.

Thank you.

What do you call a smart booty?

A wise-crack!

I've got not much of anything to be honest.

Been in special classes in school.

Not liked by people.

Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

Not very smart.

Don't look good.

Hate myself more than anything.

Been a failure at everything in life.

Probably be alone forever.

People treat me like crap.

Can't do anything right.

And the list goes on and on.

So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

You're so retarded, if there was a clone of you that was supposed to be smart, it would still be retarded.