Smart jokes
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
He do American feel like Trump is the president, he is stupid like soup.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
Where do smart hotdogs end up?
On the honor roll!
There's a plane going down over the desert with only 3 parachutes on board. There are four people onboard: the smartest man in the world, the best doctor in the world, an old priest, and a young nerd. The doctor says, "People need me for my medical skills," grabs the first parachute pack, and jumps. The smartest man in the world says, "People need me for my intelligence," grabs a pack, and jumps. The old priest says, "I have lived a long and happy life. You take the last chute." The nerd says, "Don't worry. There are enough chutes for the both of us. The smartest man in the world just grabbed my backpack."
"My sister said she was the only smart one in the class."
"What about the teacher you learn *from*?"
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
What's a smart person's favorite candy? Nerds! :D
Why did the smart orphan lose the tech competition?
The motherboard was nowhere to be found.
How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.
Why was the ant so smart? Because it always knew the answer.
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.?
Tourists.
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
Have you heard about the smart traveler? He's clearly going places.
Why are mountains so smart?
'Cause they have a degree.
If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.
I've got not much of anything to be honest.
Been in special classes in school.
Not liked by people.
Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.
31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.
Not very smart.
Don't look good.
Hate myself more than anything.
Been a failure at everything in life.
Probably be alone forever.
People treat me like crap.
Can't do anything right.
And the list goes on and on.
So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.
What is a kid who loves school?
A smart kid.
Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.