Sleep Jokes

So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.

But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f

... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.

Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?

'Cause they don't got balls to scratch.

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Puerto Rican!"

Then the blonde replies, "OMG, you dirty little slut! How many is a Puerto Rican?"

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

Why do cats like to sleep on the floor?

'Cause it's a car-PET.

Who is Bill Cosby’s favorite Disney princess?

Sleeping Beauty.

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.

I’d make a joke about prostitutes and women sleeping with multiple men, but it would just be whore-ible.

Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?

Me: I have depression, what do you think?!

Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?

A. A dino-snore.

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

When you are sleeping in class and the shooter sees you, then they wake you up and say, "Let’s team up," like, what the f*ck?

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

Who eats sleeping? A robot.

The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.

Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

A young couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle-aged couple the same question, "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."