Skill jokes

There are three types of people in the world:

Those who can count and those who can’t.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they already lost the Twin Towers.

"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune."

I'm a banjo picker, and I can confirm this is 99% true.

Why do orphans suck at baseball?

Because they can't run home.

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

We have the best schools for it.

They told me I'd never be good at poetry.

But to date I have made 3 jugs and a vase, and they look lovely!

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?

because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.

Why are Germans so good at cleaning?

They have experience in ethnic cleansing.

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

I saw a bus the other day with some boy scouts at the back. One of them was having fun getting his knot-tying badge.

Roses are dead, violets are dead. I am a bad gardener.

Why are the UK and the USA bad at playing chess?

Because they lost 2 towers and their queen.

It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.

Why are orphans bad at basketball?

They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.

Suck all the bread!

Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!

Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?

A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.