Size jokes
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Yo mama’s so fat, she wore the equator as a belt! Ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.
Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
How do people with hydrocephalus wear standard-size helmets?
Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.
Yo mama so fat, Trump used her like a wall.
What do you call a pissed off midget?
A micro-aggression.
Your butt looks so big, it's bigger than Sam Hill.
Yo momma so skinny, she wipes with floss!
Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!
Yo mama so fat even God could not lift her spirits.
Suzy: How did Jonah fit in the whale?
Teacher: Whales are very big but have small mouths, so Jonah did not actually fit in the whale.
Suzy: Well, the Bible says he did.
Teacher: He did not.
Suzy: When I get to heaven I will ask him how he fit in.
Teacher: How do you know he went to heaven? Maybe he went to hell.
Suzy: Then you can ask him.
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
Your forehead is so big, I thought you were Megamind for a second there.
I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
Your momma is so fat, she doesn't need Wi-Fi, she is already worldwide!
Who's the smallest wife??
Micro-wife.
Your forehead's so big, it's built like Megamind's robot, period.