Similarity jokes
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast. It has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
A: What's the similarity between your girlfriend and the sun?
B: They're both hot?
A: They're both massive.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can't unscrew a pregnant woman.
What's a similarity between a broken lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
They're both accidents.
What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?
You abort it.
How is a child with cancer and dark humor similar? They never get old.
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
Say this out loud: Alpha Kenny One.
Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?
I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
What is the similarity between women and freezers?
We like to put our meat in them.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
Are you a mirror, because I see myself in you?
What are the similarities between Stephen Hawking and a bull?
They both charge.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.