Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
Why did the emo cross the road?
To not get to the other side.
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
Did you know that Americans fall out of both sides of the bed?
Yo mama's so skinny that when she walks outside, she floats to Heaven.
Pokemon: Why did the Miltank cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Joe mama so fat, she fell on both sides of the bed.
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator.
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
he never has a bad day
because he always wake’s up on both sides on the bed
what side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? the psycopath.
Why was the Burnside Bridge so hot?
Because it's on the burning side.
